church...
it has been a dirty word in my vocabulary for some time now. church has never served the purpose for me that i think it was intended to serve. it has not been a place for me to go and worship god, but an obligation. it has not been a place of refuge but a place of comittment and leadership. it has not been a place of freedom, but a place of tradition and imprisonment. it has been the opposite of what i believe it should be.
until now.
i have found a church that is a place of refuge. it is a place where i can worship. it is a place of freedom. i have not been moved to tears by a chruch service in years. then today, during a "state of the church" address, not even a typical sermon, but the kind of service you typically try to avoid, i was touched so deeply that i cried. it leads me to ask:
where has this place been?
every misgiving i had worn about church has vanished, and in its place i feel relief. i feel the presence of god. and it is both moving and frightening. because, for the first time in my life, i feel truly, and completely, led to a church. a church. the very place i swore two months ago i would never be a part of again.
but god is funny about that. he likes to throw us curve balls. and i am beginning to be ok with that. not like i have a choice.
the point made today was that the "state of the church" is found in the state of our hearts. for the church is not a building, but the people that make it up. i have heard this statement my entire life. today was the first time i have actually felt it genuinely believed. and it moved me.
it moved me as families and individuals moved across the stage holding signs of how god had worked in their lives. from adoption to addiction to simply becoming confident. all of it happened, and people shared their blessings. in turn, i was blessed. god was blessed. wow.
