honesty

prompted by my friend jeff

wouldn't it be amazing if we were all just openly honest with each other? it would be exceptionally difficult, and there would undoubtedly be hurt feelings at first, but at least we'd know where we really stand with each other. so i'm going to introduce myself...honestly.

disclaimer: do not respond with encouragement or analysis. i'm not looking for compliments here. if you want to respond, similarly introduce yourself. thanks.

hi, my name is dan. sometimes i go by my full name, daniel, because i feel like it garners more respect and sounds more mature. i also use words like "garner" and "boondoggle" in honor of ms. bank from whom i learn tons of impressive words. she died four years ago. i still struggle with that. bradley johnson died two and a half years ago. i still struggle with that. stephen werner died a few months ago. i still struggle with. i joke that i'm comfortable about death, but i'm really not. i grieve hard.

i say that i've moved on from the person i was in high school, but inside i am still fairly similar. i have moments almost every day where my heart breaks a little when i think about my old park singers family and how much i miss them. i hate the fact that the performance atmosphere at belmont (and in nashville) makes me feel insecure in my talent. i miss performing on stage. i miss being around people who sing just because they love it and would do anything to be a good choir.

i am insecure. i analyze every conversation i have with people trying to see how i might have messed up. i feel like people talk about me behind my back. i have always struggled with my self-image and my weight. in elementary school i was made fun of because i was fat. it screwed me up. i can't take a compliment, but i thrive on positive affirmation. i don't have close friends because i'm afraid of getting hurt, but the one thing i want in life is a best friend that i can always lean on and who can lean on me. i always cop-out and say god will provide one while i'm honestly tired of waiting.

i try not to talk about my problems because i hate to seem like i'm whining, but i really wish i could talk about them more. i'm overstretched most of the time. i'm always "on" around people when i wish i was alway raw and vulnerable. i'm outgoing, but i'm an introvert. my alone time is precious to me.

i'm unapologetically a radical star wars and harry potter fan (in that order). i don't care if people think i'm a dork because of it. i'm also a burgeoning theologian...and a religious schizophrenic...one moment i love the church, the next i rail against it. i've been hurt by the church in a huge way twice in my life, and while i say i've learned from those things and have moved on, i really haven't.

i love my family unconditionally. i think my father is the most upright man i have ever known. i hope that i am at least half the man that he is when i grow up, half the father he has been to me. i respect his opinion above anyone else. my mother is my inspiration. she is my buddy, and she keeps me going on days when i don't think i can make it. she doesn't get the recognition she deserves for all she does. my sister is my role model. she had more of an impact on my life than everyone else i have known combined. she is brilliant, talented, loving, and innovative. and she loves me just like i am. my brother-in-law is incredible. he is like the brother i never had. he perfectly compliments my sister, and i feel like i could talk to him about anything. i love my family more than life itself, and nothing can change that.

i am southern and i'm proud of it. there is a lot about the south i don't agree with (racism, subjugation of women, etc.), but there is so much that i cling to. i love sec football. i love southern accents. i love the emphasis on family. i love the food. i love saying that i'm from the south.

so that's me. a little broken. a little dysfunctional. but honestly me. take it or leave it.

fall break

i cannot accurately describe how perfect my fall break was. i got to enjoy the company of my sister and brother-in-law while jet-setting across the united states. i felt pretty awesome sitting on the plane sipping my ginger ale with my knees up under my chin (woo hoo steerage class). below are some of the highlights. i know fall break was almost two weeks ago, but this is the first opportunity i've had to write about it. man i miss those kids.

yeah...that's the golden gate bridge behind me. I went for the sorta artsy tourist look.

this is at muir beach...a nice little secluded beach over the bridge.

me looking generally happy about the state of things outside the hidden coffee shop by beth's office.

all the cool kids (jordan, beth, and me) at the top of uc berkeley's bell tower.

uc berkeley has a carillon...belmont's carillon is one of three in the state of tennessee...but they have an elevator that takes you to their's.

a streetcar...i was generally thrilled about this...took me back to my thomas the tank engine days

elephant seals...nuff said...

we're so cute it's almost unbearable...and there's alcatraz in the background