the picture to the left

i took this picture during my time in cape town, south africa this summer. i always see it as a reminder of how the sun is always just behind the storm clouds. for some reason, this is comforting to me.

done being silent

i am struggling with what it means to be a christian in today’s world. it takes a lot of courage for me to say that. it’s something that has been building up over the last four years that i am just now in a position to verbalize (or in this case type). i look at the injustices around me and wonder what people who call themselves christians are doing in response. i wonder where we get off justifying our selectivity in encountering injustice. when did we decide that some societal wrongs are more important to pursue than others?

the christian tradition i had been exposed to for twenty-one years said that there are things that can make a person a lesser member of the body of christ. it said that some things are not worth my time to care about. it said that there are more important things.

i refuse to believe this. for a while i have thought that it is worth my time to care about the role of women in the church. that it is worth my time to care about the aids-affected of africa. it is worth my time to care about the homeless. it is worth my time to care about the poor. it is worth my time to care about the subjugated. that it is worth my time to care about those who society has rejected.

but i find myself discontent with this. i realize that i am wrong in all these statements. i should not care about any of these groups. i should instead care for these people. i have been too abstract in my passion. i have been too theoretical.

i have been too quiet.

my action does not match my passion. but i don’t have to sacrifice my academic study or ambition. hospitality trumps theology every time. and the only reason i believe this to be true is because my concept of what hospitality truly means has been shaped by the theology i have grown into.

i want to make a difference. i want the word "revival" to mean something. i want to be willing to give up everything to help other people. i want my life to be a constant expression of hope and love. i desire wisdom and discernment. i want to make a difference. and everything else will just have to take a back seat. i’m ready to be relational again. i’m ready to dream big again. and i’m not going to settle for mediocre goals anymore.

just a general update on this insanity

i feel like an adult. and i don't say that to assert my own self-worth. the thing is that i'm taking 15 hours of classes and working close to forty hours a week at teavana. all the while i'm trying to maintain relationships. i'm plugged into a new church family that resonates with my soul and the struggling of my burgeoning personal theology.

and i feel like i am balancing these things very well. of course there are moments when i just want to scream, curl up on the couch in a blanket, and watch the west wing, but for the most part i push past those moments. sometimes i just don't want to handle things anymore. however, this is the first time in three years that i have had no non-class commitments at belmont. i have significantly scaled back my involvement outside of work. i'm learning to say no.

it doesn't help that i got in a wreck on saturday. i got hit pretty hard from behind on belmont boulevard while in the midst of doing things for my friend ashley's wedding (post on that incredible experience forthcoming). the back of my car is fairly twisted up, but it is still drivable...i just have to drive cautiously. but my body pretty much aches everywhere, and i can assure you that the last thing i need is to be stiff and in pain all over.

all of that said, i'm closing in on one of those times where it gets too overwhelming...which is why i'm extremely excited about the next two weeks. my friend laura comes up to visit from tuscaloosa thursday through sunday which is basically what's getting me through this week. and while i have to work every day that she's here, i know that we will get to hang out in the off-periods.

then, next wednesday evening, i get to drive home for the first time since august. i can't even describe accurately how thrilled about this i am. i really miss my parents. this, in and of itself, is a strange thing for me. i love my parents, but i've never really been away from them long enough to miss them. but i've been away from home long enough this time, due to my work schedule, that i'm ready to spend some quality time with them.

so, that's my life right now...fairly mundane except for the one living it. at some point i'll start writing more insightful blog entries again...