friends

I love my friends. As I have struggled through many ups and downs over the last couple of months, they have been strong and present in my life. It is wonderful to think that I have that kind of support system. Whether it's smoking pipes and cigars on the front porch late into the night, or grabbing a quick bite to eat, my friends always provide me the stability my oft-shaky legs cannot.

Today, my prayer is one from the Lectionary. It reminds me of how I see God in my friends so often:

Faithful Midwife,

as you delivered the Hebrews safely

out of the long labor of slavery,

so, morning by morning,

you draw us forth into the new day.

Surround us with a cloud of witnesses,

and sustain us by your powerful word,

that, in the night of loneliness and fear,

we, being weary, may not lost heart

but push toward the joy that is to come,

laboring with Christ

to give birth to your promised kingdom. Amen.

bury me under the weeping willow

The Rosanne Cash version of this song is just plain incredible. Check it out.

"Bury Me Under the Weeping Willow"

My heart is sad and I'm in sorrow
For the only one I love
When shall I see him, oh, no, never
Till I meet him in heaven above

Oh, bury me under the weeping willow
Yes, under the weeping willow tree
So he may know where I am sleeping
And perhaps he will weep for me

They told me that he did not love me
I could not believe it was true
Until an angel softly whispered
He has proven untrue to you

Oh, bury me under the weeping willow
Yes, under the weeping willow tree
So he may know where I am sleeping
And perhaps he will weep for me

Tomorrow was our wedding day
But, Lord, oh, where is he
He's gone to seek him another bride
And he cares no more for me

Oh, bury me under the weeping willow
Yes, under the weeping willow tree
So he may know where I am sleeping
And perhaps he will weep for me

Oh, bury me under the violets blue
To prove my love to him
Tell him that I would die to save him
For his love I never could win

Oh, bury me under the weeping willow
Yes, under the weeping willow tree
So he may know where I am sleeping
And perhaps he will weep for me

struggle for significance...

I've been trying to write a new blog for a while now. I want to be profound. I wish I had something to say. I even wrote this blog where I talk about how I'm not living out my passions right now. I am passionate about Artist Development. I am passionate about Christian Ethics. I am passionate about College Admissions. After reading this thing I wrote over again this morning, I decided not to post it. It was whiny. I complained a lot in it. That's not what I want to post on here.

Yeah, I miss working in Admissions at Belmont. But that path is pretty much shot to hell these days. I poured myself into that place, but when I left, everything I had worked toward began to crumble. There is an unbelievable lack of strong, genuine leadership there. If certain people would just step up, there could be some hope. But people are tired of fighting, so ineptitude continues to reign. It breaks my heart that I gave so much of myself there only to see it all be in vain. I know I should just smile and nod and still act like everything is good there to me. But I'm tired of playing games with those people.

I see myself as a theologian, or at least as a burgeoning theologian. I want to have a forum where I can express my ideas and engage in dialog with others about those ideas. But I keep running in to the same things. I'm too young. My ideas are too "out there." I need more school before people will take me seriously. Bullshit. Those are the same things I have heard my whole life. People just don't take me seriously. This, I believe, is mostly my own fault. Often times my eagerness screws me over. So I have a blog. That no one reads. I don't mean to discount those three or four faithful readers out there, but it just gets so frustrating wanting a forum to share your ideas and failing at ever pass.

I am not a kiss-ass in the college of Music Business at Belmont. I spent way too many years of my life kissing up to people to get ahead, and I'm just not going to do it. There are too many inflated egos in that program. I enjoy the artist development aspect of the music industry. I really do. I absolutely love working one-on-one with artists to help them discover who they are, not just as an artist, but also as a person. Because I don't brown-nose people in my program, I am ignored. I simply am not willing to go there. If that counts me out of having influence, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

So in turn, it looks like I have ended up whining about a lot of things. I promise that this is a much better worded rant than what I wrote last night. And, don't get me wrong. As I told my parents this weekend, I love my life. I really have so much going for me. It's just that these things are things that have been on my heart and mind. They are things that are incredibly difficult to express in spoken words. There you go. This is my struggle for significance.