i'm blessed...but i'm also pissed off...

it staggers me how god continually chooses to work in strange ways. i'm on the tail end of leading a group of middle school guys through a disciple now weekend at a church just north of nashville. i have had an unbelievable time, and i've also been around a baptist church of which i could actually see myself being a member at some point (maybe...or something along those lines). the students are great. the church is thinking progressively. all in all it sounds like a dream.

but i just can't help but get pissed off sometimes (maybe righteous indignation is a better verbiage) when working with middle school kids. i love middle school kids, let me go ahead and say. i have a passion for working with them in large groups. i really do. but society and church has screwed them up. society has given them all these "toys" that just get bigger and better every four months. how can god stand up against that in the mind of a 13-year-old???

it's no wonder that kids are more excited to play college basketball on xbox360 than to have a 30 minute bible study. i don't blame them. our society gives them more distraction than should be allowed by decency. i always thought having action figures was a problem...these kids have probably never played with an action figure for more than 5 minutes in their lives.
the high tech distractions are unbelievable...you can see the basketball players SWEATING on the court! it's freaking awesome.

and the church isn't helping things. it tries to add basketball courts and video game stations and all that crap to drawn in students. but it sends the wrong message. jesus is not a fad. but we keep spoon feeding these kids the idea that god can fit into our mold of technological advancement. god is so far beyond that. it is almost embarrassing to have to wade through the muck of our failed efforts to meet society where they are.

i'll be the first to admit that i used to think this was a great idea. but tonight i had to remind my middle school guys that we were actually on this retreat to study scripture and have conversations about god. we didn't have to have a deep theological debate here folks. we were talking about love...how god loves us and how we are supposed to love god and other people. so i took the plug from the xbox360 and the wii, and i laid it out there plain and simple: if they were only here to play video games then they shouldn't have come. i told them they were making a mockery of god by just going through the motions of the bible study just to get the opportunity to turn the tv back on. it pissed them off. and i didn't care.

i have no idea how to fix this situation. you can't (and shouldn't) take students out of culture and society. that just isn't healthy. but there has to be some kind of compromise. how can we make it so that students actually yearn after god? what would it be like to encounter a youth group of middle and high school students who truly sought after god? i want to experience that. i want to be a part of that. i want to walk hand in hand with a group of students who take the charge of 1 timothy 4:12 to heart.

"do not let anyone treat you as though you are unimportant because you are young. instead be an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith, and your pure life."

i guess i was just disappointed in the fact that i saw such potential in the group on friday night just to have it ripped to pieces tonight. it breaks my spirit. but maybe one day they will get it. maybe one day the will understand exactly what god's love for us means. because, in truth, i have no words to do it justice.

this probably won't end well...

i am increasingly aware of just how different and unaccepted my beliefs would be if i was still living in the world in which i grew up. i read things written by those who were influential in my life at one point or another, and i am struck with the fact that my systems of belief have changed. at times it honestly freaks me out. i wonder if i have gone too far down a dangerous path that will lead me to destruction.

and then i calm down a little bit and realize that it is perfectly fine for me to form my beliefs and for them to be different than the beliefs with which i grew up. but i would like to take a moment to assure those who are reading this that despite the differences in my peripheral beliefs, i still believe in the triune god of christian faith and claim jesus christ as my savior and lord. not that i have to justify myself to you, but i feel like what follows can be far more productive if i throw that out on the front end.

anyway, i have read a good bit of commentary lately on how people in the faith tradition of my upbringing are so worried about homosexuality, gender rights, property rights, abortion, rights to education, poverty, and race that they are using their belief system to define their positions on these things. now, i have no problem with this on a basic level, but it comes into conflict when i realize that the faith tradition they are using is the same tradition i hold. so, obviously, there is a disconnect. you see, i have found that on most of these subjects my opinions and beliefs fly in direct contradiction to those of my more socially conservative (and more religiously conservative for that matter) friends.

i just feel like the jesus i worship meets people where they are and loves them regardless of their circumstance. jesus just seems so much more divine to me if i look at him as a liberator of the oppressed. all of the oppressed. not just some of them. if i look at the character of christ in this way i cannot help but see the answers to my beliefs on homosexuality, gender rights, property rights, abortion, rights to education, poverty, and race. i can see god wanting me to give money to the poor. i can see god wanting me to see those of other races as completely equal to me in all ways (or, to be properly inclusive, to see myself as completely equal to other races).

now i’m not going to put my opinions on all these things up here because that’s not the point i’m trying to make. the point is that i’m tired of people saying that because my beliefs are different from theirs that i am unethical, immoral, or unwise. to me, that is just ignorant. you don’t have to say it directly to me to make the point. you may not have said, “dan, i think your beliefs make you immoral.” it is as simple as saying that about someone with whom i share similar beliefs. if “john” believes that education should be accessible and affordable for everyone and you say that “john” is unwise to hold this belief, then you say i am unwise to hold this belief. it is quite easily transitive.

okay, at this point i realize that i’m moving more into a ranting motif, and that’s just not productive. i really have more to say on this, but i have a couple papers to work on, and i need more time to flesh out more of this. so i’m going to quit, and disable comments. if you want to talk about this more, actually get in touch with me. i can’t handle another blog argument.

i genuinely miss it

i have tried for far to long to pretend like i don't miss performing. i am a member of an ensemble of music majors who don't give a shit about what they are doing. our group could be incredible, but no one cares. i don't know how to handle that. i really, honestly don't. i have memories of the group to which i belonged for four years, the group to which i still belong, of people who genuinely love to sing. people who love to perform. i am in love with music, with performing, with the idea that music is the great equalizer. people sing in latin and french and german and english just as people across the world do the same. i can sing in the affluence of belmont just as the children of sub-saharan africa sing in their poverty.

i miss being a part of something greater. i miss being on stage. i miss singing with other people who want to sing. i miss the costumes and the hair and the competition and the joy of victory. but i also miss the sweat and the tears and the rehearsals and the lectures. i want that again. and i don't think i'll be truly happy until i have it again. it is not some high school memory of which i can't let go. it is a piece of who i am. i'll never be a star performer. i'll never be a successful solo artist. but none of that matters to me. i don't want that. i just want one more opportunity to perform with a choir that loves what it does. that loves each other.

i learned it from my mom

people want to feel needed. people want to feel loved. people want to feel as though they matter. it is this very concept that i learned from my mom. i can debate politics and argue theology all i want. i can go to school for the rest of my life, but it is the simple truths that my mother has always exampled.

more often than not i find myself striking up conversation with people who work jobs i, to be completely honest and transparent, feel are less than me. and even that idea makes me shudder with shame. but far too often these people are shunted aside by people like me. they are transparent. they are "the custodian" or "the cafeteria worker" instead of sonya or michelle. they are people. they are more than their title. they are more than their job.

my mom has never been the one to stand at the front of any situation or organization. yes, she'll head a committee or organization, but when it comes to time to receive credit in open forum, she's never been concerned with it. she is an incredible woman. she will work tirelessly to make sure something is done right, and that something is done best. more often than not she does so without thanks. she is the poster-child for servant leadership.

today as i struck up conversation with my friends who work in corner court on campus (i call them my friends because i am genuinely concerned about who they are), i couldn't help but think about how i was putting into practice something my mom has always said. people want to feel like that have worth. and it can be as easy is asking how someone's morning is going.

too often we place ourselves on imaginary pedestal because we think we are a certain class or come from a certain background. to that, my mom would say, "just because you are titled doesn't make you entitled." how incredible.

we are all equal in the eyes of god. we are all people. we all have needs. we all want to be wanted.

i learned that from my mom.

could it really be that easy?

i have, all of a sudden, found myself surrounded by guys who i consider friends. to be quite honest, it has come as a complete surprise. i can't tell yet if i've let my guard down a little or if these guys just don't care.

i have a couple of guys that i have breakfast with once a week. we talk about life and love and hobbies. and we talk about scripture. right now we're in judges because i kind of feel like the old testament gets neglected. we sit and enjoy runny caf eggs and chocolate milk. anyone is welcome to the table. i look forward to that time every week.

i have a workout buddy that has become a bit of a bromance. whether it be ensemble rehearsal or gym time i see him almost every day of the week...completely by accident. we invite our girlfriends to go on our dates sometimes. all four of us (me, him, and both our girlfriends) are going to cape town, south africa together in may. and, yes, we are going to be buff one day.

i have a friend who may very well be a younger (and much cooler) version of me. it is a bit odd really. he knows how to have fun, but we can also have deep discussions about faith and god that stagger even the cynic in me. he also makes me go to accounting which, in and of itself, is a miraculous appointment. i am as much enamored of his coolness as i am humbled by his attitude for life. its a winning combination.

and then there is my best friend. my brother. i think he and i have experienced enough extremes together in life to realize that, in some form or fashion, we will always have to be in each other's life. we understand each other enough to be okay in disagreement. we also have the same sense of humor which gets us into more trouble than should be legal (and sometimes isn't). i honestly do not know what i would do without him. he is a blessing in my life.

so, i guess i can't whine about not having guys in my life that i connect with. it was easier than i expected, and (as i always predicted) it came out of nowhere.