graduation

today is belmont's graduation. it is strange to think that one year from today a huge number of my friends will be graduating, and i will sitting in the bleachers watching them pass by. there is no part of me that regrets the fact that it will take me 4 1/2 years to complete my degree. yet there is a part of me that regrets the fact that it is not taking some of my friends that long.

but today is a happy occasion as all of my new roommates are granted their diplomas. it is funny to me that a large portion of my friends, much like in high school, are older than me. some graduated last year, but most of those older friends will graduate today. it is harder to believe that brandon, blake, jamie, and james (the new roommates...minus james who is getting married tomorrow) are all getting ready to head into the "real" world. even harder to wrap my mind around is the forthcoming lack of seeing certain people in the SOR lounge on a regular basis.

i am actually fairly good with change. in fact, i welcome it on most occasions. but graduations (less often my own than others seeing as the only one i've ever had left me elated to be free of sphs) have a tendency to leave me a bit sad. it's like hermione says in the less-than-sub-standard goblet of fire movie adaptation, "everything is going to change now, isn't it?" well, everything is going to change now...as it does each semester. people finish their college education and are thrown in myriad directions. it is my most sincere prayer that all of these people would find prosperity and joy in the journeys that have ahead of them.

changing things up

so i promise i'm not copying my friend ann by changing the look of my blog, or by changing the theme color to green...i just happened to have decided to make this change.

there is actually reasoning behind it. belmont has been caught up in this whole going green thing for some time now. i'll be the first to admit that it seems a bit forced at times and a little too publicity-driven at other times (i mean, come on, our grass is one of the greenest things about our university and that doesn't exactly speak toward our water conservation efforts). however, my recent forays into the environmentally friendly landscape have offered new insights on how i see the world.

so much, in fact, that i have joined up with the new belmont community garden wherein i will have a plot for growing things like tomatoes (which i don't eat but will grow while wearing a funny hat so i can give them to people...steel magnolia reference), rosemerry, mint, beans, etc. i'm unbelievably excited about this opportunity. i'm also taking eco-justice and faith this fall with one of my favorite professors who happens to be the head of the belmont go-green initiative. one of our texts for this class will be the green bible. i'm a fair bit thrilled at the prospect of taking this class and growing in a deeper understanding of how my belief in god should inform my view of god's creation.

so i now have a visually green blog. it's quite honestly mostly an aesthetic choice. the whole black motif was getting depressing, and i needed a change of scenery. that's all i have for now, but expect to see many updates (or, dare i say it, another blog altogether) about my growing (small pun intended) awareness of the natural world around me.

how exactly does one coordinate worship?

it is a well-known fact back in hoover that i led worship for my church youth group. this is not necessarily a well-known fact at belmont. it is a well-known fact at belmont that i have issues with musical worship. this is not necessarily a well-known fact back in hoover.

where is this leading? for too long these two aspects of myself have been separated. i miss leading in worship. i can't really stand what musical worship has become. where does that leave me? it is quite a conundrum.

an interesting prospect was put before me today. it is a well-known fact that i think the world of my university ministers. i think they are incredible, and they give me spiritual direction in spite of myself (and in spite of the fact that i don't always listen to what they have to say). but today guy put the idea in my mind to apply to be a worship coordinator at belmont.

yeah. he's crazy. really. because who in their right mind would suggest that i be in leadership over times of musical worship???

but then i started to think about it even further. guy and i had talked about my renewed passion for liturgy and sacred practices which got me thinking about how i could have an influence on reshaping the worship experience at belmont. how cool is that? i just have to weigh that against other commitments for next year and other sacrifices that would would allow me to serve in a leadership position with university ministries. there is also the distinct likelihood that i would have to, at some point, deal with people that i just don't agree with on worship (and myriad other things). and sometimes even people who just plain piss me off. it happens. especially when i'm involved in something that has church roots.

anyway...i have a lot to think about on this.

could it really be that easy?

i have, all of a sudden, found myself surrounded by guys who i consider friends. to be quite honest, it has come as a complete surprise. i can't tell yet if i've let my guard down a little or if these guys just don't care.

i have a couple of guys that i have breakfast with once a week. we talk about life and love and hobbies. and we talk about scripture. right now we're in judges because i kind of feel like the old testament gets neglected. we sit and enjoy runny caf eggs and chocolate milk. anyone is welcome to the table. i look forward to that time every week.

i have a workout buddy that has become a bit of a bromance. whether it be ensemble rehearsal or gym time i see him almost every day of the week...completely by accident. we invite our girlfriends to go on our dates sometimes. all four of us (me, him, and both our girlfriends) are going to cape town, south africa together in may. and, yes, we are going to be buff one day.

i have a friend who may very well be a younger (and much cooler) version of me. it is a bit odd really. he knows how to have fun, but we can also have deep discussions about faith and god that stagger even the cynic in me. he also makes me go to accounting which, in and of itself, is a miraculous appointment. i am as much enamored of his coolness as i am humbled by his attitude for life. its a winning combination.

and then there is my best friend. my brother. i think he and i have experienced enough extremes together in life to realize that, in some form or fashion, we will always have to be in each other's life. we understand each other enough to be okay in disagreement. we also have the same sense of humor which gets us into more trouble than should be legal (and sometimes isn't). i honestly do not know what i would do without him. he is a blessing in my life.

so, i guess i can't whine about not having guys in my life that i connect with. it was easier than i expected, and (as i always predicted) it came out of nowhere.

goodbye

goodbye, goodbye dear nashville,
i must leave you for a spell.
it's christmas time in bama,
and yes, i can hear the bell.

the stockings are all hung
on the ritter house's hearth
the picture ornaments are on the tree
my mom has done her part

i'm sure dad helped along the way
to put out this year's decor
so all thats left for me to do
is walk through my front door

for now i'm stuck in packing hell
i just can't seem to get it
but i'll just throw it in my car
right down to the last minute

so merry christmas to the three of you
who read my blog each day
i'm heading home to celebrate
and i've nothing left to say

wesa gonna speed yousa away*

today at 2pm i will finish my last class of the semester. i figured it was a good time to sit and reflect on some things from this fall that stand out as fairly signifcant.

first, i should mention, that this semester has absolutely flown by. i cannot in recent memory recall a span of time moving by so quickly. it honestly seems like yesterday i was on the university ministries leadership retreat. it seems like moments ago i was in africa. it quite frankly scares me to death that life is moving by at such a pace. i know that i'm only 20, but each year moves by a little faster.

now that that's out of the way, taking stock of this semester brings several things to mind.

1. i am simply made to work for university admissions. i love it. i am passionate about it. i can quite honestly see myself enjoying a tenure as an admissions officer (preferrably at belmont).
2. i cannot go another semester without being in a choir. i took this semester off from pops, and the musician in me has violently reacted against this. next semester i'll make my triumphant return to a musical ensemble that pales in comparison to the group that is so dear to my heart...but i have to sing. i'm just wired that way
3. i had a record number of theology-related freakouts this semester, everything from my worthlessness as a theologian to my inability to write competitively. it was both an illuminating semester and a challenging one in that area.
4. i have a girlfriend who challenges me and humbles me. i wonder more often than not how it is that i'm so blessed. for some reason my imperfections are ignored (or in some cases exploited) by her. it truly boggles the mind.
5. my family is my rock. in spite of my craziness they stand by me and behind me. my parents are easily becoming two of my best friends which kind of freaks me out. it makes me wish that kids were able to have that kind of relationship with their parents more quickly.
6. i don't like this whole living in california thing my sister and brother-in-law are up to. it's way too far away for my tastes. i do love where they live though, and the magic of skype has been a godsend in this process. all that aside, i still don't like this whole long-distance brothering thing...and i thought hoover to chattenooga was long-distance!
7. i am growing tired of my cyclical relationship with the church. it quite frankly pisses me off that i can't make up my mind on whether i like church or not. i know that's an ever-continuous process, but i would be very appreciative if it would all just workout. however, i have coined a few memorable quotes along the line...my favorite being: "tony jones is the like the jerry falwell of the emerging church."

so that's a little list of reflections. i'm sure there will be more stream-of-consciousness reflection on my part by the time exams are over. oh exams...why...

*ok...for all you hardcore star wars fans, i apologize for the jar jar binks quote above...however, it is an appropriate title

...i wish i was (java) chipper today...

so i was definitely planning on sitting down to write this long post about how the last two and a half weeks have sucked beyond all reason. there has really been no true cause for this. definitely going to chalk it up to the fact that it's almost spring break.

tomorrow. i just have to make it to 1pm tomorrow. i cannot wait for the break.

yes, i am working the whole week in the admissions office. but do you know what else is happening? i get to spend some quality time with two of my favorite people: amaryah and heather. i'm also going to get to read a lot. i even have a book list for the week:

-on christian liberty by martin luther
-caretakers of our common house by carol lakey hess
-remnant by shane dix and sean williams
-refugee by shane dix and sean williams
-the way of the shepherd by dr. kevin leman
-harry potter and the chamber of secrets
-harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban

i know it is a long list, but all i'm going to be doing during the day is sitting at a desk. all day. i'll also be catching up on battlestar galactica season 3 because season 4 premieres on friday, april 4th.

all that to say, now i'm going to go finish off the java chip ice cream in my freezer and hope for better spirits tomorrow.

maybe i'm just tired of being tired

i really can't tell why this week has sucked. i mean, yes, it did include three test, a project, and a paper or two, but that normally doesn't get me down like this. i think i'm just tired of being tired. i need something new to rejuvenate me. even tonight, we have the battle of the boulevard basketball game, but i just can't seem to make myself want to go. i know it would be fun, but more of me feels like just laying on the couch or in bed and reading. i know i don't get to do that a whole lot, but i feel like there has to be something else to do. i just don't want to fall into this trap of always skipping stuff that could be fun. i mean, i would just as soon have a bunch of friends over for a movie tonight.
*
on a happier note, belmont showshoppe is tomorrow, and i'm pretty freaking pumped about that. i get to host albertville center stage with my buddy kristen. basically i've always wanted to host a show choir competition, and here is my chance. and after this month of going to show choir competitions as a spectator, i have decided that starting a show choir at belmont is a very good idea. i hope that i can get all the logistical stuff worked out and a group of enough people who are interested. it would be so awesome.
*
i guess that's it for today. kind of a downer. oh well, at least i know that whatever i decide to do tonight will be fun...even if it isn't the most fun choice of all.